the feels

I am feeling the feels about the transition out of summer that is so quickly approaching.

On one hand I am going to be so sad that this experience is over.  That the circle of people that have come alongside and encouraged me and helped me grow and so tangibly love me won’t be a literal door away anymore.  That I won’t have a constant source to the ridiculously addicting Garret’s popcorn, that there won’t be meetings on meetings on meetings.  That the relationships grown through intentional conversation (aka discipleship) will just kind of end.  That there won’t be 60 other people who are pretty much always down for conversation that is so much deeper than surface level.  That I won’t have a giant city to adventure and claim as my own.  That I won’t feel so tired all the time.

But on the other hand I am so so ready for my routine.  I do feel like I have been so equipped and taught and molded into a stronger leader both spiritually and in life, but it is time for me to use those skills in my real life.  To leave the protection and false reality that the summer so amazingly provided and to put it into real life practice.  To stretch myself, to need grace, to go out on a whim, to connect with others at home.  To see that this is not an environment that is exclusive to a 10 week summer mission but a lifestyle I have been invited to embark on.  Selfishly, I am so excited to get more time.  To relax, to go on long nature runs, to bask in sun, to have my routine back.

But I am so encouraged to lean in hard to relationships this school year.  I have tasted and seen what being real actually looks like.  I have gotten so much better at asking questions I used to think were awkward or hard and now I know that everyone wants to be heard.

So I guess my feelings could be summed up in that I am both refreshed but in need of refreshing, looking forward to what’s to come but already missing what I’ll leave behind.  Excited for the future but reflective of the past.  In the beautiful storm of living in the now based on what’s been learned in the past.

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