#elises100daysoffeelings days 13/14

It’s a two-dayer again because I was too tired when I remembered I hadn’t written yesterday….

Yesterday:

I felt this crazed moment of I need something now.  I felt impulsive.  I was bored, needed stimulus, was a little bit tired, it was 3:00.  Externally, I had been working hard, my brain probably needed a break, I was a little frustrated.  And food sounded like the only solution to the problem.  I don’t know what to describe my need for stimulus and desire to fill it with food other than it is quite frequent.  That sense of boredom is the culprit of the afternoon snack gone wrong.

I was glad to have been busy and unable to satisfy that craving that certainly wasn’t hunger.  As I sat with my feeling later, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what to call it.  It’s different than boredom, stronger than an urge, and doesn’t originate from actual physical hunger.  I guess it is what I would call pure impulse.  When I get those this strong, it is really really hard to ignore it, and once I start it’s really really hard to stop.  It’s the need to like mix it up.

Recognizing reality vs. feelings in my head can ground me.  Being really aware of physical sensations: what I can actually feel externally and more importantly internally.  If I can take a break, write out what’s going on, think in a different way.  Grounding myself literally by standing and feeling the pressure in each toe, in my heels, through my knees.  Standing tall and being sure of who I am and what is a priority for me.  Those are tools that keep me present and aware and engaged and mentally in charge.

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