Today I went through the motions. I didn’t feel well, didn’t stay present, didn’t find/identify a purpose, and so I lost. I fed the part of me that knew how to feel, did the things I didn’t want to do. I wasted time, didn’t cross things off a to-do list, and feel not great about it.
Positives: at least I know what I am trying to feel? At least I 100% am aware of what I am doing before I am acting. But I hate it still. I feel gross, disgusted, disappointed. I simultaneously want to ignore it and keep going, to avoid and yet engage, to act like it’s no big deal even when I know my actions are taking me further from where I want to be.
I let my mind win today. I did not take control of my actions. I did not use what has been given me well. My body and mind is paying the price and I hope to do better tomorrow.