#elises100daysoffeelings Day 26

Today I went through the motions. I didn’t feel well, didn’t stay present, didn’t find/identify a purpose, and so I lost.  I fed the part of me that knew how to feel, did the things I didn’t want to do.  I wasted time, didn’t cross things off a to-do list, and feel not great about it.

Positives: at least I know what I am trying to feel?  At least I 100% am aware of what I am doing before I am acting.  But I hate it still.  I feel gross, disgusted, disappointed.  I simultaneously want to ignore it and keep going, to avoid and yet engage, to act like it’s no big deal even when I know my actions are taking me further from where I want to be.

I let my mind win today.  I did not take control of my actions.  I did not use what has been given me well.  My body and mind is paying the price and I hope to do better tomorrow.

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