#elises100daysoffeelings day 45

I stopped writing and I don’t know why.  I think I had gotten to the point where I didn’t know what to say next, where I didn’t know what I was feeling or how to figure out what that was.  But here I am again, recommitted to chronically me and my heart.

Because I have seen how writing helps me and I want to marshal my energy wisely and helping me is a wise thing to do.  

Because I love routine and getting back into the routine of thinking about my feelings is going to help me better understand.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my finished habit chart.  About all that’s contained in those 365 circles.  About the progress I have made in becoming the fullest version of myself.  About what moving forward looks like now.

Mostly, I’m looking at what this next year will look like?  Do I want a goal?  Is it going to help me?  Because the end didn’t feel good…. I think there were lots of days were I stretched coloring it in because I felt like a failing having so many not filled in.  It kind of became sin management and the final goal wasn’t actually productive.

So looking ahead, I want to focus on the Lord.  On His heart.  What He says.  Not meeting more rules, but practicing letting Him be God.  Going after His heart not with hopes that I’ll become a better, nicer person, but with the intention of meeting Him.  Being okay with figuring out what that looks like in each day, but not worrying with what the future holds, not punishing myself because I didn’t meet a personal expectation, not fretting or worrying, but rejoicing in what is right in front of me.

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