Today I feel numb. Things are having no effect on me. Life seems like it is just happening. This week was bad. So bad and part of the bad-ness was I was so disconnected. I feel like I wasn’t a part of what was happening inside of me; my actions felt distinctly disconnected from my heart and soul and mind.
I don’t feel worthy of being known right now. Even to myself. It feels safer and better to keep hiding under what I have done, to ignore the real feelings that are so obviously being repressed. That scares me, it makes me feel uneasy, it makes me feel yucky. My soul knows that I need to just tell someone. To make it public not to keep me in line but to ask for prayer, to make me feel okay with owning this part of my story and not feeling shame or ignorance.
As much as I yearn for healing right now, what would it look like for me to look first to the face of my healer. To just go to him and spend time with him and fully believe that He satisfies, that He is enough, that healing comes through knowing Him more?