Today really is a normal day. But there is something deep in my soul that I can’t name that makes it different. It is peace, contentment, excitement, joy. It is this allusive thing that I think is what I am most after and life. It’s the think I felt last year and couldn’t name but knew when it was missing.
I excitedly went through my Powersheets this morning for April. There is a brain dump section and I just wrote without thinking much, but when I read through I realized how stinking good this month was. Okay, yes it was an abnormal month because I had a lot of time off work and traveled and was with my people. But, honestly, in the moment things felt hard. I was off my routine, got v. self-judgemental, and had many many days were I was so scared of slipping back into bad food habits. But, guess what, those days and thoughts didn’t color my month and the only response I have to that is THANKS GOD. Because, if my brain and body were in charge, I would have fixated on those weaknesses, flaws, and let downs. And only because I’m not in charge and my mind is being renewed day by day, I see how good HE is, how much HE blessed me, how HE is working in my mind.
And it’s simple. It took slowing down, soaking in the blessings, big and little, everyday and once in a lifetime, to feel it. To let my heart grieve, feel, and articulate the hurts I cause myself and feel from other people, but to run to Jesus with that and allow him to carry what I am not meant to carry. To choose to see the greater joys, common graces, and supernatural power in my life. To say yes to living today as I truly am.
I see you God, and I’m gonna keep chasing you and chasing this gratefulness, joy, and peace you give me.